A Love From the Past

[sukura]

OK. I’m going to describe the main character Myia Syrezu. Myia is a 15-year-old girl; she has long beautiful black hair, beautiful crystal blue eyes and is a little on the short side (think just a little taller than Hiei) and she also lost her parents when she was 12 so she lives with her aunt. Myia is a half cat demon and half fire apparition and she where’s a bandanna everyday to hide her cat ears. She also has Telepathy so she can mentally communicate with others, read minds and it also gives her the ability to tell weather someone is human or not.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the origonal YYH character that are in the manga's or sereis


It’s an early Monday morning and Myia Syrezu is still lying in bed. Knowing when she awakes she’ll have her first day at a new school. Myia couldn’t stand her previous school, so she had her aunt transfer her to this new school.

“Myia! Myia hunny get up, you have school dear.” Myia’s aunt called up the stairs.

Myia sleepily turns to look at her alarm clock and jumps up and out of bed seeing it say 7:30am.

“OH CRAP! I’M GOING TO BE LATE!” Myia yelled to herself while she rushed around to get ready for school. Myia ran down the stairs and ran into the kitchen to get her backpack.

“What’s the rush Myia? Doesn’t your school start at nine?” Myia’s Aunt asked.

“Aunty! Did you really forget you transferred me to a new school! This school starts at eight not nine!” Myia yelled not believing her aunt actually forgot this already.

Myia’s aunt just gets this really spacey look on her face and then says,

“Oh Yeah! I’m sorry hunny. I’m used to getting you up and 7:30 for school at nine.”

Myia just rolled her eyes and took another look at the clock and ran out the door. Myia didn’t have a bus pass or bike so she had to walk to school.

After running at top speed for a while Myia finally sees the school coming into her vision so she slows down hoping she isn’t to late. She heard the bell ring and didn’t want to be late if she wasn’t, so she started to run again.

Not really watching where she’s going Myia runs into someone at the door.

“OH. I’m so sorry” Myia said bowing to the person she ran into.

“It’s ok. Hey are you new to this school? I’ve never seen you around here before.” The man says in an annoying voice that kind of makes you cringe.

“Yeah I am new. I just got transferred here.” Myia says kindly looking up to see the man she bumped into.

The man was really tall compared to Myia and had really short orange hair. “Now that’s a face only a mother could love.” Myia thought.

“Well I was waiting for my friends but if you like I could show you to the principals office and give you a grand tour of the school.” The man said.

“I’d love for an escort. Than you.” Myia said politely.

The man smiled and really big a goofy looking smile then led Myia into the building. After Myia got her schedule the man showed her around the school. By the time they were finished with that it was second period.

“Thank you so much….” Myia said stopping realizing she didn’t even know the mans name.

“Oh. Call me Kuwabara.” The man said.

“OK, and my name is Myia.” She said. Then the second period bell rang and Myia and Kuwabara started walking their separate ways for class.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx later that day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later that day at lunch Myia was walking around the cafeteria looking for a place to sit when she heard someone calling her name. Myia turned around to see it was Kuwabara who was sitting with, whom Myia guessed were, his other friends.

“Hey Myia! Come sit over here.” Kuwabara yells to Myia.

Myia nods and walks over to him and his friends.

“Myia, I want you to meet my friends.” Kuwabara says.

“This is Yuske,” he says pointing to a boy in a green outfit with short black sleeked back hair.

“This is Kurama,” Kuwabara said pointing to tall boy in a purple outfit like Yuske’s, long orange hair that come to his mid back and beautiful green eyes.

“And this is Hiei.” He says pointing to a boy who was only slightly taller than Myia, whereing a black trench coat and pants and his hair seemed to stand up straight defying gravity.

“Hello everyone. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Myia Syrezu.” Myia said bowing politely to everyone.

Myia sat down with them and couldn’t help but notice that Kurama and Hiei weren’t human. “Hmm a fox demon. I wonder what a fox demon is doing in this realm.” Myia thought looking at Kurama.

When Myia went to go look at Hiei to summarize what type of demon he is, but when she looked at him she realized he was staring slightly dreamily at her. So Myia turned her focus to Yuske and Kuwabara, who were stuffing their faces like they were never going to eat again.

“Why is he staring at me? He’s looking at me like he knows me or something. It’s getting weird.” Myia thought to herself. Just as she thought that she noticed Hiei turned his focus from her. “Did he just read my mind!” Myia thought slightly surprised.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Hiei’s point of view xxxxxxxxxxxxx

“I can’t believe it. It’s really her. I thought I’d never see her again…” Hiei thought looking at Myia when she sat down. When Myia looked at Hiei and turned her head quickly Hiei read her thoughts.

“Why is he staring at me? He’s looking at me like he knows me or something. It’s getting weird.” Hiei heard Myia say.

He turned his head looked down with an emotionless face again.
“I can’t believe it. She doesn’t remember me. Maybe that’s a good thing for the moment. It might be for the better if she doesn’t remember the past.” Hiei thought.

Ok. I'm done with chappy one. I hope you enjoy my stories. I have this story posted up on fanfiction.net as well as one other story that I will post here after finishing this seris. If you don't want to wait for further chapter feel free to comment my stories at www.fanfiction.net however if you do that do not spoil anything for others in this forum PM's are not for me to deal with. But please do not spoil anything in further chapter to those who havn't read them.One last thing. Because most of my chapter are already made, untill my chapters are no longer prewritten or the seires ends I will be posting at least once a week. Thank you ^_^

[Karumichan]

Awsome! The first FF here. ^_^ It's really good! Sounds like a great story. And it has Hiei! X3 I'm not much of a FF.com person, so I'll wait for your updates here.

[chibipyroduo]

It is a good story to start off with. Is this your first story? I will put all warning on my comments I have a bit of a bite when it comes to them sorry please don't take offense.

Questions for better construtive critism you don't have to actually answer these: What are Hiei and Kurama doing at Yusuke's school? Why wouldn't Kuwabara just use his first name if he introduces everyone else by their first name? Why did Kuwabara introduce Kurama as Kurama and not Suichi? Can they just transfer schools in Japan? Where was Keiko? Where did your character get all these extra powers from? Is this going to be a Hiei/OC story?

Comments: It looks like you've actually tried unlike some stories I've seen, but the questions above are so you can try and fill plot holes that I see sorry. You could use some more powerful diction, and not be as biased while talking about Kuwabara, "annoying" was used so is your character quick to judge? Establish a solid character and express how she feels, does she like her new school better, her emotions towards people, don't just describe what she sees describe what she feels.

~Duo

[Karumichan]

Ah, I didn't even think about that. Yeah. Shuichi, not Kurama. Also, did you know Yusuke has two u's in it?

But Duo-chan, Kuwabara only goes by his last name. Remember? Only Yukina calls him Kazuma.

But, absolutely about Duo-chans comments. She's good with that stuff. @_@ I always see what she means after she comments.

[inuyashalover1265]

I thought it was great! ;D
Write some more when you get the chance!

[sukura]

You know.. I never thought of calling Kurama Shuichi o.o and yes this is my first fic. ^_^ It is also a HieixOC ^_^ theres even a lemon later on. ^.~ so I hope you all enjoy it well anyways heres chapter 2.

About three weeks have passed now and Myia and the Yu Yu gang have all become great friends.

“Myia. I’m going out of town for a couple of weeks for work.” Myia’s Aunt said packing her things for her trip.

“Ok Aunty. Would you mind if I had my friends spend a few nights here? God knows this house is big enough.” Myia asked remembering something Kurama said a few days back.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx flashback xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


“You know, you’ve been to all our houses over the past couple of weeks, even Hiei oddly enough let you go to his house. But we’ve never even seen the outside of your house.” Kurama said giving you a suspicious look.

“Yeah! Why don’t we go hang at your house this weekend?” Yuske said.

You looked at everyone then looked down.
“Uhh. My Aunty isn’t to fond of me letting people into our house.” Myia said not really wanting them to see her house.

“Well ask her. You know what they say curiosity never let the cat die” Kuwabara said stupidly acting as if he knew what he was saying.

“It’s, curiosity killed the cat you moron.” Myia said kind of annoyed.

Kuwabara just looked around stupidly sweating anime style hoping one of the other guys would stick up for him. All of a sudden you felt someone in your head and then you herd someone speaking to you.

~You know Kurama is right. It’s awfully suspicious that you never let us to your house.~ the person said.
Myia realized at once it was Hiei’s voice, but she ignored it and walked off to her house. Figuring she’ll ask him about it later.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx end flash back xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Myia’s aunt just looked at her oddly.

“You know I have no problem with you having friends over. It’s just. You always say no when I offer you to have friends over.” her Aunt said.

“Yeah. Well. I have some investigating to do with my friends.” Myia says calmly.

Myia’s aunt just looked at her oddly.
“Would this have anything to do with your telepathy and ability to see demons?” she asks.

Myia looks at her aunt completely shocked not knowing what to say.

“I didn’t know Aunty knew about my powers and the demon world!” Myia thought to herself.

Then as if reading her mind her aunt started to explain herself.

“Do you seriously think I wouldn’t notice my half brother was a demon? Or that his daughter and wife weren’t human either? Myia, I’m not a fool hunny. When you were born your father explained you demonic sides and the powers you would eventually gain. When you were six he informed me you gained a power on your own. That would be you telepathy and ability to identify demon and apparitions. I knew this whole time about your cat ears, and that you read my mind from time to time.” Myia’s aunt says smiling wide at the shocked look on her nieces face.

Myia just stares at her aunt shocked.

“If you knew this whole time why didn’t you ever tell me? I mean….. I meditate nightly so you never saw my cat ears. I’ve hidden all of my special fire katanas and spell books for different katana versions.” Myia said really annoyed she went though all that work of keeping her powers hidden for nothing.

“Well hunny, I didn’t want you to get careless. I didn’t want you to someday go to answer the door and forget to hide your ears, or something like that. So I thought not telling you I knew would ensure that.” Myia’s aunt says looking a little spacey again.

After Myia gets over the shock of her aunts confession, she explains how she know her two friends are demon and one of them is telepathic and how you wanted to interrogate them.

Myia’s aunt just nodded to everything her niece was saying. After Myia finished her aunt just nodded in agreement to let Yu Yu gang come over.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx the next day after school xxxxxxxxx


Myia, Kurama, Hiei, Yuske and Kuwabara are all walking out of school when Myia finally decides to shock the hell out of them and invite them to her house.

“Hey my Aunty went out of town this morning for a few weeks and she said I could have you guys come over for a little while. You up for staying at my house for the weekend?” Myia asked nonchalantly.

The gangs jaws all just dropped to the ground. When they recovered they all agreed to stay for the weekend. The five of you walked back to each of their houses so they could get their cloths.

When you got to Kurama’s house, his mother kept insisting you take her money and shop for some snacks but when you kept refusing the money she asked why.

“There’s really no need for that m’am. I have plenty of snacks at my house.” Myia kept repeating, until finally Kurama they insisted they leave.


When you all finally reached your house the gang’s jaws, once again, dropped. You lived in one of the richest neighborhoods in the city and when you all reached your house the guys just lost it.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US YOU WERE LOADED MYIA!”? Kuwabara yelled rudely.

“Maybe it’s because, like the couple of baka heads you and Yuske are, you would go around and tell the whole school and I’d never hear the end of it from everyone.” Myia said thoroughly annoyed at his rudeness.

Then everyone went inside and when Kurama closed he door behind him and the others Myia snapped around and looked at everyone and spoke to them calmly.

“Oh and if any of you spill about this I’ll have to take my special fire katanas and cat claws and slice and dice you all.” Myia said smiling.

They all just looked at you shocked at the weapons you said you’d use and Yuske and Kuwabara just looked at you like your nuts. But Kurama and Hiei already knew what you were referring to.

“What the hell are you talking about Myia?” Yuske asked.

“Yeah. You don’t have special fire powers or cat claws.” Kuwabara said kind of stupidly like always.

Myia just sighed and reached for her bandana ripping it off revealing her cat ears and then muttered something to cause her fingernails to grow into cat claws.

All of them just stood their kind of dumb founded because Myia just so willingly revealed her secret to them.

Myia noticed this as well and looked at Kurama and Hiei.

“I knew I could trust you all with this secret because…” Myia pointed to Hiei.
“He’s a fire apparition and has telepathy…” she then points to Kurama.
“And he’s a fox demon in a human body.” Myia said smugly.


“How long have you known this Myia?” Kurama asked kindly.

“Since day one of me meeting you two. But until recently I wasn’t able to tell what type of demon Hiei was because…” Myia said stopping. Then continuing ignoring the fact she’d said that.

“Well…. anyway. I was only able to tell Hiei was telepathic a few days ago when he mentally spoke to me the other day.” Myia finished.

Yuske and Kuwabara just stared dumbly at Myia.

“You two really need to strengthen you spirit powers, and yes I know you both have them.” Myia said getting an anime nerve at them staring.

For a while there was an awkward silence. Then Hiei surprised everyone and suggested they move along to a tour of Myia’s house. But of coarse he had to sneak in a comment about them all staring like baka’s.


So Myia walks the boys around the house giving them the grand tour. She showed them her living room with big screen TV. and D.V.D system. Then Myia them her pantry (which was now completely allowing the boys to see why Myia had turned down Kurama’s mothers’ money. After that Myia led them to her game room that had all the top of the line game systems. This made Yuske and Kuwabara drool. Then Myia showed them her huge library. That impressed Kurama the most. Then they all got to Myia’s room. This is what impressed Hiei the most. Myia’s room had dark black curtains, rugs, bedspread, walls and all over her black walls were posters and hand drawn pictures of dragons.

Hiei stared at Myia looking really impressed. When Myia saw this she read his mind.

“Wow. This is impressive. This is one quality I never would have thought she had.” Myia herd Hiei thinking.

~That’s what a lot of people think~ Myia says telepathically to Hiei.

Hiei looks at her hiding the fact he was shocked, but Myia and Kurama noticed a little blush come over Hiei’s face. Myia just smiled and blushed a little herself, then went along her business with the guys showing them their rooms.

[chibipyroduo]

Questions- Why does Myia not want the gang to know about her house? Why is Kurama still named Kurama? Why did Myia not think her aunt knew, and why didn't she want her aunt to know? What happened to Botan?

Comments- Okay once again I think this would make a better screenplay than a story. You need to add more details, not like character details but enviornmental details. Oh Hiei doesn't have a house he lives in trees. Why does Hiei go to school? Are you reading these? You need to develop the relationship between the characters better. Not like romance but where they stand in friendship. I see no affection between the aunt and Myia. I see no relationships between the pre-existing characters. You show an obvious biased against Kuwabara if you want to be respect you should probally take that out. All good authors are objective and don't let their personal biased get in the way. It doesn't seem like much has happened in the plot. So where's the plot. Is it just for Hiei and Myia to fall in love or is their something else that just hasn't gotten introduced yet? You also give the characters to extreme emotions. Hiei isn't going to be "shocked" he'd be surprised or even enlightened but not "shocked" Jaws don't drop in real life, and Hiei still doesn't go to school or have a house.


-Don't take offense, I'm not flaming, just constructive crits.

[sukura]

Heres chappy 3. Sorry if I don't answer all questions. But it is my first fic and I havn't edited it yet. So please bare with me and any mistakes I make. They are eventually fixed.

After Myia show all the boys to their rooms, Kuwabara and Yuske go back to the game room Myia had showed them. Myia, Hiei and Kurama just sat and watched them play until Kuwabara’s stomach growled.

Kuwabara looked back at Myia and asked, “Could we get something to eat?”

Myia nodded but soon regretted saying yes. Kuwabara and Yuske ran down to the cupboard and almost completely cleaned it out. Myia watched them begin eating and walked out sickened at how they don’t even chew all their food. Kurama and Hiei soon follow you to your living room, not so much from being disgusted but from boredom. When they get down stairs they see Myia laying on her couch reading.

“Mind if we sit down?” Kurama asked politely.

“Not at all” Myia said smiling as she moved her feet so the two could sit.

“You guys and to watch a movie?” Myia asks.

Kurama nodded politely and Hiei gave one of his famous, “Hn” remark. Myia moves to the floor and begins looking threw her D.V.D’s and stops when she sees her favorite horror movie.

“You wanna watch Pet Semitary?” Myia asked them.

Kurama shrugged, not even knowing the movie existed until now and Hiei looked at Myia, again, slightly shocked.

“What’s so surprising Hiei?” Myia asked seeing his shocked face.

“You really shouldn’t be so shocked that I watch horror movies after you saw my room.” Myia said kind of smugly.

Hiei just shrugged her off and sat down on the opposite end of the couch as Kurama. Myia bends down to put the disk in the D.V.D player and she leaves her mind open so she can here Kurama and Hiei’s thoughts. Just to see what they’re thinking.

“Hiei needs to be nicer to Myia. Especially because of his past.” Myia herd Kurama think.

“Past? What past? That’s the second time someone’s mentioned a past in the same context. I need to find out what they’re talking about.” Myia thought, then switching over to reading Hiei’s mind.

“She’s so beautiful, no more so than before. I wish I could just get the courage to ask her out…” Hiei thought. Myia stopped reading Hiei’s thoughts at that point not wanting to go know anymore about his feelings for her.

Myia finished setting the D.V.D up and sat down next to Hiei, blushing slightly. Myia starts the movie relived that no one questioned her on why she was blushing. About 30 minutes into the movie it started to rain and Myia had already turned the lights off for the movie, so it was really dark.

Later on in the movie the lightening was getting louder and the movie scarier. At one point a dead man sprang to life just as some lighting struck and it scared Myia and she jumped and hid her face into Hiei’s arm, causing him to blush.

“I thought you liked horror movies.” Hiei said telepathically sounding really cocky.

“I do… it’s just that part has always creped me out.” Myia responded.

“It’s over now.” Hiei said really sweetly and calmly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After the movie Kurama was asleep and Yuske and Kuwabara were still playing the video games upstairs. So that left only Myia and Hiei. Myia took this opportunity to confront Hiei on what he was thinking earlier.

“Hey Hiei…” Myia said kind of skittishly.

Hiei looked at Myia with a real peaceful look on his face. “Hm?”

“Uhhh. Earlier I read your thoughts… and I herd what you said about…how you feel about me.” Myia said starting to blush.

Hiei looked at her with wide eyes and blush quickly rushing over his face.

“Yeah…” is all Hiei could say.

Myia looked into Hiei’s eyes her face completely red with blush and she kissed him deeply. They sat there for about two minutes their lips locked together. When they finally broke apart Hiei was blushing crimson red and Myia just giggled at that. After that Myia looked at the clock and saw it was getting late.

Ok I stop here.

[chibipyroduo]

Sorry I understand that this is your first fanfiction, but I find if I can find the common mistakes early then I can possibly weed out the annoying parts of the YYH fanfiction world.

Comments- The plot is moving along, although dredingly. Try sticking some action sequences in there to make it more interesting than just setting up for the action we all want to see. Can I please ask Karumichan to take over on the rant about Hiei's personality. I'm sure she'll be around. I just do not think Hiei would act like to, he wouldn't really refer to dating as "goin out" because well he's Hiei and doesn't really fall in love. Also try expanding the text, add enviornment, character expression (once again refering to the "Hiei was shocked comment in the previous comment), ect.

~Duo

[Karumichan]

Yeah, very out of character. In the world of fanfictions, I consider the number one rule: Stay in line with the characters personality! You might as well re-name Hiei as your own oc, because he isn't even remotely in character. I accepted it when you made him as a student, but he's way too off now. Re-wacth YYH if you have to, just please give Hiei back his personality.

Also, another thing I find very odd, is your writing style. Your overlapping past tense and present tense. When you narate you are using past tense (ie, after this, they went and did this). But then when they talk, they speak in present tense.
On top of that, try not to narate like your listing items.

Instead of:
"Myia moves to the floor and begins looking threw her D.V.D’s and stops when she sees her favorite horror movie."
Try:
"Myia moved to the floor and began rumaging through her dvd's, she stopped when she noticed her favorite horror movie in the pile."
Or something like that.


Anywho, sorry if thats harsh, but hey, I'm an editor. XP Just things to look at when you edit it. ^_^