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Post by EvilDunkin on Apr 18, 2006 16:28:29 GMT -5
the stalker had like TOO MANY screennames and instant messaged me on all of them....and i was stuck to be awake til like freakin 3am bc of him
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Post by EvilDunkin on Apr 18, 2006 16:36:13 GMT -5
lately....my bf and i were thinking....and for us...thinking is A HORRIBLE thing...so we ended up thinking stuff we shouldnt have
and it's been driving me nuts
i mite b too attached to him that everytime i cant see him...i start to cry and i'm too chicken to tell him
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Post by EvilDunkin on Apr 18, 2006 16:45:17 GMT -5
i still remember last time when i broke down after he and i broke up...and i was very suicidal, depressed and such....
heck i already planned the deathdate so that the people in h.s. doesnt know about it
it is set exactly on the luckiest day in chinese history...with multiple 8s! omg! ^^ it's gonna b great when that happens
unless something somehow changes it
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Post by EvilDunkin on Apr 18, 2006 16:46:33 GMT -5
and lately i've pretty much stopped going to many of the forums i go to
now i only go to tnk clout deviantart QL
and that's about it Sakayume:: my so called friends seem to want me gone Anime workshop:: nep n yume r annoyed soooo y bother going there....easier to just leave Gamefaqs: the people there r cruel...so y bother going anymore rite?
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Post by EvilDunkin on Apr 18, 2006 16:47:50 GMT -5
and lately i've kinda starved myself and dehydrated myself for some stupid reason....in the hopes of just leaving
i told my bf....n he wasnt too chippy about it....he kept hugging me and telling me not to go...and i dunno.....i reallly dun wanna b here anymore....i hate going through my daily life lately....other than seeing my bf usually
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chibipyroduo
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Post by chibipyroduo on Apr 18, 2006 19:26:38 GMT -5
You do seem attached to your boyfriend.
Everyone has these suicidal thoughts. Your a teenager and hormonal. Your hormons are doing trippy things trying to get you to think that life isn't worth living. And it's worse because you're female, you have raging hormones. Why don't you feel like living? If you don't have a valid excuse I usually say suck it up and live life to the fulliest. Life is such a precious thing that should be exploted to the fullest of its potential.
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Post by EvilDunkin on Apr 18, 2006 19:36:38 GMT -5
the reason y i dun feel like living is mainly through how life has treated me all these years
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Post by EvilDunkin on Apr 18, 2006 19:38:16 GMT -5
got raped got jumped MULTIPLE TIMES got molested MULTIPLE TIMES got killed by a gang of kids MULTIPLE TIMES got in trouble with things that werent my fault MULTIPLE TIMES got stalked MULTIPLE TIMES got so called friends who abandon me and rat me out got so called friends who abandon me in the middle of no where see the life as shiiit treated like crap
^thats just a summary of some of it
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Karumichan
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Post by Karumichan on Apr 18, 2006 20:51:09 GMT -5
You are being taken advantage of because one, you let yourself, two, you don't try and do anything about it. Except the rape part, you can't call it rape if you let it happen lol. I think when one damaging thing happens in the past, and we can't forget it, we dwell on it, and then start losing hope or something. It sounds like, to me, if you wanted, you could get stronger. You've just given up to easily. If your "friends" do that, then they aren't your friends for one, and hope after that you dumped them from your life. Anyhow, I'm used to hearing these kinds of problems, because I could tell you stories. Both my mom and best friend have gone through, and friend continues to go through much worse, yet neither of them ever gives up. So I know it's possible to be stronger then all that crap. You should turn the table on life, and start manipulating everyone to your own good. If your not going to value life, why not use it? Thats what I do, and I admire people who can manipulate other.
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Post by EvilDunkin on Apr 18, 2006 22:23:16 GMT -5
all that stuff happened when i was like 5-10 years old.....i didnt know anything at all
and i dunno....everytime anything happens to me....i am able to get 1 step further...but it never not happens...it drives me insane
i'm like incompetent to do things...i guess...i dunno
i dumped all my "friends" actually....only left with like 2-3 maybe.....but my best friend is my bf
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Karumichan
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Post by Karumichan on Apr 19, 2006 16:33:50 GMT -5
Don't worry I'm incompetent too. I don't want to graduate or get a job becasue I've never gotten gas, done taxes, paid bills, or done anything on my own for that matter. My dad always did everything for me, lol. Anyways, I dunno. I say stop dwelling on it, but I guess it's not something everyone can just stop thinking about. I think the main reason why I stopped being all emo was because I just became apethetic to anything that didn't advance me in some way. I could care less about college, and jobs, and crap, but I'm doing it anyways just because I want to live alone and do whatever I want without parents. Plus I've had this plan since I was little, that I wanted to die at 39 so I could die young, and not go through senior citizen stage. It seems to attract alot of supporters lately. My mom said maybe I'll join you, and my friend too is with me. Lol. Maybe if you set a date for sometime in the future(long enough so that you can have a chance to change your mind, or figure out something you want to do) then you won't feel so mushy all the time.
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chibipyroduo
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Post by chibipyroduo on Apr 19, 2006 19:46:57 GMT -5
Of course that's going to do irreporable damage on someone so young, but I to have seen people rise up out of the spiraling depths of desparity. When life seems to be going downward and getting worse and worse consuming you and everything you believe in (like Dante's Infero) always remember that their will be a light after the journey is complete. ( I created a literal allusion from The Inferno. After Dante sees the depths of hell and faces Satan himself he and Virgil climb out of hell which is right below Satan and come out of the tunnel into the light.)
Being apatheic is a good thing at times. You don't get sucked up into the mundane world. I honestly don't believe I will see half of the people I hang out with in high school in 10 years. The only three people I'll stay in contact with are K-chan, a girl named Melroy, and my friend who goes to the same college I'll be going to Jill.
Since you are feeling this way may I please direct your attention to a song from the musical Jekyll and Hyde called "No One Knows Who I Am." And "Good n' Evil." Good songs, valid points.
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Post by EvilDunkin on Apr 19, 2006 21:21:54 GMT -5
well for me...i've been all depressed/emo/suicidal since i was like 8.
i just kept hiding it from people....not letting anyone know...and created a black box that blew over when my bf broke up with me the first time..
i guess it blew up since i was able to express so much to my bf...and i kept doing it..and doing it...that the black box doesnt exist anymore...the only thing that exxists now are like unopened doors needed to be revealed to my bf lol
i allowed myself to be opened up because i promised my friend that i would give it a try..but i'll set myself a due date.....and then i found my bf...and well i guess i didnt want to die when i was with him....and then suddenly we broke up....and i ended up falling.....and now....even though he and i are together, i feel as if i cant put myself together anymroe
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Karumichan
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Post by Karumichan on Apr 20, 2006 22:55:06 GMT -5
Hm. Relationships are just to wierd. Out of my ability to converse over. I'd like to say that you should probably try to get out of it, since you seem waaay to attatched. But then thats understandable too since your want to be with someone (I'd assume most people are like that) is pretty strong with your background or whatever. But...I've never had a boyfriend, gone out, or cared about anyone, so like I said, not the best one to give advice. Plus I'm the type who never really tells anything important or opens up becasue whatever it is, it's not anyones problem but my own to me. And I don't see many things I think of as important in the first place because I know it doesn't make sense to anyone else.
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chibipyroduo
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Post by chibipyroduo on Apr 21, 2006 0:25:30 GMT -5
Awww yes now we are getting philisophical. (sp?) Yes you do seem attached to your boyfriend, but I'm just assuming that's a stage, and you have a dependancy on him, but it will probably lessen with time. My bf started getting like that with me he was like, "I haven't seen you in like 12 hours." Then I set up date night. It's were we still talk during the week, but not really hang out then we got out once a week on the same day and have a great time. It also cuts down on the costs of dates.
Oh randomness I was at the store buying some masquera cause I ran out and I just grabbed one of the shelf not really looking at it I just got the cheap kind. I got home and opened it to use it and it turns out I bought royal blue by mistake because I was in a rush to get out of there. Oi, now I have to go back to the store sometime this week and get some black.
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