Evil's Poems

[EvilDunkin]

please comment these poems...i know its alot but read any one of them u wish and tell me what ya think


www.deviantart.com/deviation/22257482/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22257750/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22257844/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22257965/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22258038/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22258105/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22258178/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22278352/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22278778/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22278780/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22279932/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22281975/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22280684/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22280685/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22280689/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22280859/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22281013/
www.deviantart.com/deviation/22281075/

[Karumichan]

These are great! I can't describe them in one word, because they each have their own voice. I really like The Weight, and Lost. Lots of emotion. I like them. ^_^

[EvilDunkin]

oh cool i like my weight poem too...^_^

ive been trying to get symbolism in most of the things i've been writing...but those r really old work =(

[Karumichan]

Well, write a bunch more whenever your inspired, and I'll read them. They're really interesting. ^_^

[EvilDunkin]

ty! im glad u enjoy! but as of now im gonna do a halt...then soon ill start writing again ^_^

[Karumichan]

Fine by me, wouldn't be good to rush anything. ^^

[EvilDunkin]

other than weight and loss...did u like any other? wat exactly stood out? what can i change in one or two of them?

[Karumichan]

I couldn't even go into what you could change on them. I've never written a poem in my entire life. I'll leave that to skilled people. I forget what the basketball one was called, but I liked that one too. I stood out because it reminds me about a particular petpeeve at school and I feel like when I'm reading the poem I'm taking on that persona.

[EvilDunkin]

u mean the volleyball one? i never wrote one on basketball yet......

lol im glad u give me some feedback lol

[Karumichan]

I play my hardest and we start scoring
Suddenly I think negative and we go down by ten points
Then I try scoring
And my ball gets rejected
Why is this happening to me at my championship game?
I really wonder what is happening.

We suddenly score more points then before
I was so happy
Suddenly we can’t pass the ball straight
I go crazy.

Then fans are yelling, “boo”
I lose hope for the team
I wish something good will happen
Suddenly our savior comes into the gym
We suddenly do everything great
Smiles appeared on our faces.

I told her to think positive
I wish for everything good to happen
I go, go team go, go team go
We made the score go very high
It was 33 to 14
I was going crazy now
But I was so happy
At the same time.

That one.

[EvilDunkin]

that's volleyball lol

[Karumichan]

Lol, sounds like basketball. Maybe if you changed pass the ball, to bump the ball. There isn't anything in it that makes it seem like volleyball. Like serving, bumping, spiking, and setting are terms that would help.
But now I like it more if it's about vollyball. I played, and it's my favorite sport. ^_^

[EvilDunkin]

oops it was bball.....never remembered writing that one...sorry karumichan! =(

*runs and hides in a corner*

[Karumichan]

Your confusing me on purpose aren't you?

[EvilDunkin]

no i just dont remember .....umm when i replied to u i was sort of um drunk sooo yeah